As I watch my 5 year old playing with other children as we travel around the country, I have realized that she is just learning how to interact well with other kids. It is my job as a parent to teach her how to interact and play with other kids in a positive way. According to stopbullying.gov children between the ages of 3-5 are learning how to get along, cooperate, share their feelings, and understand their feelings.
There have been a few times when I have felt that my daughter has been bullied and there have even been a few times when I felt she has participated in bullying. I have been explicitly clear with her when her behavior has not been okay. I also had her apologize. When she is not interacting positively I get down to her level and tell her clearly, asking her to repeat me, what is not okay and what to do instead. I have even had to teach her to apologize.
When another child has been not kind to her, I am at a loss what to do. To be honest, I just had her walk away. But now, as I have been educating myself with bullying I realize that I need to get involved even more. In a respectful way I need to tell other children what is appropriate and not appropriate and talk to their parents. I am still learning at this parenting thing!
As parents here are tips that we can do to help our young children:
- Model positive ways for young children to make friends. For example, practice pleasant ways that children can ask to join others in play and take turns in games. Coach older children to help reinforce these behaviors as well. Praise children for appropriate behavior. Help young children understand what behaviors are friendly.
- Help young children learn the consequences of certain actions in terms they can understand. For example, say “if you don’t share, other children may not want to play with you.” Encourage young children to tell an adult if they are treated in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable, upset or unhappy, or if they witness other children being harmed.
- Set clear rules for behavior and monitor children’s interactions carefully. Step in quickly to stop aggressive behavior or redirect it before it occurs.
- Use age-appropriate consequences for aggressive behavior. Young children should be encouraged to say “I’m sorry” whenever they hurt a peer, even accidentally. The apology should also be paired with an action. For example, young children could help rebuild a knocked over block structure or replace a torn paper or crayons with new ones.
source: stopbullying.gov
TakePart has created a pledge for us all to sign. As parents, community members. educators of young minds we must talk to our kids, start the negative behavior at a young age, and stand up to all forms of bullying!
Disclosure: Thank you to TakePart for sponsoring this post. All opinions are mine.
It sounds like you’re really taking charge when it comes to your kids and bullying and that’s what more parents and care takers need to do! If more people took a stand like you did with your daughter, regardless of whether it’s just one person, bullying could be wiped out completely!
You can count on me to sign the pledge and share so other people can get in on the action, too 🙂
Thank you Kayla! More of us moms just need to stand up and say NO More!
Already seeing bully issues in the kindergarten. The first adult my son told didn’t listen, he told another adult teacher that did after that.
That is scary Jenn. I don’t know why schools don’t crack down and take it more seriously than they do!
Thank you for this post. Bullying is heartbreaking, especially when it’s among children. I’m doing my best to spare my children from bullying, and I am quick to intervene with children AND their parents when bullying or even teasing occurs. There needs to be a zero tolerance policy for bullying across the board – at home and at school.
It’s scary how little emphasis schools put into bullying and how little they handle it. I agree as parents we can have a strong impact against bullying!
I agree Natalie. I think that as moms especially we can really fight against this. I appreciate you coming by!
Thanks for such an important post! This is an issue that really needs some serious steps taken to crack down on it! It blows my mind to hear some of the stories happening to kids as young as Kindergarteners! Just plain sad!
I have two moms close to me that have dealt with the seriousness of it as their daughters are older. It is scary!
I took the pledge and love the tips that you provided for parents! Even though my daughter is only two, I do encourage her to say “I’m sorry” and do my best to explain why certain behaviors are “not nice.” For the most part she does understand. I also praise her for appropriate behaviors like sharing, etc. It’s so important to encourage them even when they are this young!
Parenting takes work and some people seem like they don’t want to do the hard stuff. But I for one want to raise a kind person and one who is not afraid to stand up to bullies.
Great post, and call to action. Bullying has become a problem and we need to stop it early.
This reminds me of when my oldest was probably only about 3, and an older child at a park was bullying her – completely blocking her into a corner and just being mean – all while his mom stood by chatting with her friends. Mama bear came out in me that day! I got down and let him know his actions were not appropriate and he was being mean. Then I helped me daughter understand it wasn’t good of him, and how she should never act that way. I REALLY wanted to give that mom a piece of my mind though.
Today at the mall playground it was very nice to see my 5 year old being very protective of her little brother. Another girl maybe 2 was not being careful around him and Big Sister ran in the fray and took charge. But she wasn’t mean. It made me proud.
It scares me to think of what bullying could be when my son gets older.
I see it even in our homeschool community and it drives me crazy! I want to hug the little ones that are being bullied and I want to hug the ones that are bullying because often times they are craving attention even bad attention or there is another underlying issue.
It is everywhere, even in church. Parents really need to be teaching the above things to their children! It is terrible.
I Love your tips for how parents can model appropriate behavior. Sometimes we just expect kids to know, but they don’t!!
It boils down to intentional parenting I think. Some parents seem to not want to do the hard stuff.
It’s so awful! I would see it when I was a teacher. I don’t want my kids to have to go through that. Praying……
I worry about my two kids a lot. This world seems to be only getting more violent and everything is so much more difficult than when I was a kid…
I love this because my son was getting picked on by a girl on the school bus and didn’t want to go to school anymore. I was able to push for him and after it was finally stopped I got advice from a therapist and he nolonger rides the bus. I wish more psrents realized that we are our children’s biggest and best advocates and if we aren’t no one will be. This is a very serious problem in our country and it has got to stop! And we as parents need to do whatever it takes to make sure it does.
Thank you Shannon, I agree completely. We need to be a voice and stop this!